I miss my grandfather

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I miss my grandfather

Postby Micky » Thu Jan 18, 2018 1:21 pm

On January 13, 2018 my grandfather (Poppy), Robert Langan passed away.

I'm lost.

I posted here last year that my grandmother had cancer, and it turns out that was a misdiagnosis, but they have yet to find out whats wrong with her. Her husband, Poppy, was diagnosed with Lung Cancer shortly after, and he had major surgery, but was able to overcome the surgery.

On January 4th, he had a heart attack. He was rushed to the hospital and was told he was going to have to have open heart surgery. Then they changed their minds and said he would die if they did. Then, every day something else went wrong. First he got pneumonia, then his kidney's started failing, then he could not breathe on his own, and then he asked them to stop treatments. He asked them to put him to sleep.

My biological father left when I was 1. My grandfather, for many of my young years raised me until my mother met the man i would grow up calling my dad. My dad worked two jobs my entire life, so I was extremely close to my grandfather. He always called me his "boy." He taught me to fish, to fight, to golf, to treat a woman, to do almost anything and everything I know how to do.

I sat with him everyday for hours at the hospital. We were side by side the entire time. On the day he passed away, I went to see him right after work. I worked from 230AM-10AM that day, so I was exhausted. We were both dozing off in the hospital, but he was trying to stay awake because he had me there. I told him to get some rest and that I would be up a little later. I gave him a kiss on the head, said "love you big guy", and he grabbed my hand, and through his oxygen mask said "I love you kid". If you knew my grandfather, you would think that was weird because he NEVER was a sentimental man. I knew something was wrong, but he went right to sleep and his nurse asked me to leave so he could rest a bit.

I left...

I got home and took a quick nap, maybe an hour. Then my mom calls and says "Poppy is going to sleep. He wants to stop treatments. You can either come or stay home, it is up to you." I was in my car before she finished talking. I drove to the hospital, ran to the room and saw him screaming, crying about how much pain he was in. To see the man I grew up idolizing, screaming "Put me down", was enough to take me down. I was a mess. My grandmother, who is wheelchair bound and in rough shape as is, was a mess. My whole family was there. It was bad. We all got to hold him while he passed away and say our goodbyes.

It has been really hard and we are all taking it hard. He was such a great man, and we are all trying to stay strong for my grandmother. She is having a difficult time, and we fear she will be joining him shortly.

I am sorry for the rant, but I feel bad for not being on here much anymore, but my personal life, as nice as I make it look on social media, etc. is a big mess and I am not okay. I miss my father.

Thanks Andy!

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Re: I miss my grandfather

Postby Lotha » Thu Jan 18, 2018 4:51 pm

I'm so sorry, Bobby. :/ Reading this really broke my heart for you, and your family. Hang in there, and if you need to talk, we're all here for you.

I'm not gonna say "stay strong" because I know how it feels. When everything is falling apart around you because of the death of a loved one, and you need to put on a brave face, it's hard to grieve properly. When my dad died, I told myself that someone needed to stay strong or at least appear so for the sake of the family, and I tried to be that person. I stifled my tears, took care of everyone else, but that made me neglect the things that I, personally, needed to process on my own. I don't think it's ever easy. If you need time for yourself, take it, grieve and remember him.

Time does heal all wounds, and I know you're not a stranger to this. You'll pull through, and your Poppy will always be with you. After all, as you say, he made you the man you are today, and I'm sure he was proud of you. There's no reason not to be.
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Re: I miss my grandfather

Postby Jhenrid » Thu Jan 18, 2018 7:38 pm

I'm sorry for your loss, I went through a similar situation a couple years ago with my grandma that raised me. Honestly just make sure you take care of yourself and understand that there is no proper way or time frame for you to grieve. To this day I still cry thinking about my grandma even though I know she would yell at tell me to get over it, she's in a better and no longer suffering. Just take it a day at a time.

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Re: I miss my grandfather

Postby One Drew Remains » Thu Jan 18, 2018 10:35 pm

Sorry to hear it. Both of mine died when I was really young. Barely remember one of them. Glad you guys were close.
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Re: I miss my grandfather

Postby Andy92 » Thu Jan 18, 2018 10:35 pm

I know we've talked some on Facebook, but I wanted to let you know here your TABN family is always here for you. It's tough losing your grandfather, even tougher when he was your primary father figure. My grandpa has been gone for almost 10 years now, and over time the wounds will heal. You'll always miss him, but I believe one day you'll find a peace in knowing that he's always inside you even though he's passed on. But that will take time, and we're all here for you while you're going through this.

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Re: I miss my grandfather

Postby gbruin » Sun Jan 21, 2018 10:55 pm

Easy to see where you get your class, Micky.

Thinking of you and your family.

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Re: I miss my grandfather

Postby rower1 » Sat Feb 10, 2018 11:39 pm

Grandparents are so precious due to the knowledge,experience and guidance they bring.A great grand parent can be like a friend,parent all rolled into one.Sorry to hear about your loss.Never suffer in silence find people or even one person online or offline to talk to about how your feeling .
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Re: I miss my grandfather

Postby TremontiFan4Life » Sun Feb 11, 2018 6:33 am


What you're going through is identical to what I went through in 2007, my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer in February of that year (leukemia to be specific) he passed away six days before his 87th birthday on May 5, 2007. About three weeks later on June 25 of that year my father suddenly died right here with me in the bedroom that we shared. Like you I owe my grandfather everything, my father was a diabetic since childhood, we all originally used to live in New Jersey, my grandparents retired to Florida in 1991. By the time my father was in his mid-30s he was not doing very well at all, when my grandmother heard of my father's condition she flew back up to New Jersey and told my father that he was coming home with her. For the next three years I was subjected to a very violent upbringing at the hands of my mother (who was addicted to drugs and alcohol) and the revolving door of boyfriends that she would have.

It took about three years for my father to get healthy enough to be able to take me in. At that point the Department of children and families in New Jersey was involved in our lives and the situation got so bad that they called my father and said either you take them or we have to put them in a foster home. My father asked my grandfather if my sister and I could live with them and my grandfather said get them down here and we will figure everything out later. My grandparents are responsible for shaping me into the person I am today, I shudder to think what situation I would be in had it not been for them. Not only for taking me in, but also for taking my father in rescuing him from an environment that without question would have killed him decades sooner. It is because of my grandparents that I was able to have some stability in my childhood and I got to spend 11 more years with my father. Much like you my grandfather taught me the majority of what I know about how to be a man and carry myself, my father did best he could but he was so sick.

When they both passed away within the span of three weeks it sent my world into chaos, I had no idea what I was going to do. We didn't have much of a warning that my grandfather was going to pass away but at least we got something. Many people will probably read this and think how could I not expect my father to pass away with as sick as he was but my father had become like my own personal Superman, every time they said that my father might not make it through something he did, whether it was his five bypass heart surgery in 1994, the fact that he had to have his left eye removed or the fact that he was on dialysis three times a week for five years, he would always make it through. During those times however my grandfather was always by my side, so believe me I definitely understand what you're feeling. When I lost both of them so close together everything just turned into a blur, even 10 years later it isn't any easier for me. I promised him that I would look after my grandmother and even though I was only 20 years old at the time I hope that he is proud of what I have done to try and help her. My grandmother just turned 90 on December 7 and she has been having memory problems the last few years which makes things more difficult, but I'm doing the best I can. If you ever need anyone to talk to shoot me a PM or I can give you my Facebook details

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