Depression - What are your experiences?

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Tru Fan UK
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Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by Tru Fan UK »

Hi All,

As I've mentioned in a few other posts, I was a member and regular here a few years back. Now returning to reconnect.

Anywho, I don't mean to start a topic that comes across as negative or lacks much joy if you will.

However, I've recently come to terms with the fact I "suffer" from depression and have had some hard times in the past few years. During my therapy and treatment, the best thing I've learned is to talk about it. So, for this thread I'm proposing that all those that have had to deal with depression speak out.

There's nothing better than venting your issues, no matter how trivial you may think they may be. The most important thing is to TALK. That's why I'm back if I'm honest. This place brought me a lot of joy and a real sense of community and I think that's an extremely valuable thing. We all go though tough and troubling times and it's important to find people to talk and if you can, relate to.

With the shared love of Alter Bridge, their lyrics and song meaning (whatever it is to you) I think this is the perfect place to share issues and let all members be a genuine ear to listen.

Hope to hear back from you guys and gals, please don't be shy :)
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gbruin
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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by gbruin »

Hey Tru Fan, sorry it's been a long time to reply to this but it's an important topic and it took a lot of guts for you to bring it up. You deserve a good response and I applaud you for confronting an issue which is unfortunately sometimes ignored or minimized or uncomfortable, especially here in the US where there is a disgraceful lack of support and resources for "mental health". I'm personally fortunate that I don't "suffer" from depression, but I work in an ER and see people with depression and its effects every day. I put quotes around "mental" there because I don't like to separate mental health like depression, bipolar, anxiety, psychoses, etc from "physical health" like hypertension, asthma, infections, whatever. In the big scheme of things, we are all just a sack of bones and muscle and nerves and organs with a bunch of water and chemicals thrown in, and if something gets out of balance, weird things happen. Too little insulin can result in diabetes. Too much thyroxine can cause hyperthyroidism. Too much uric acid will increase gout flares. And too little serotonin can predispose to depression. Some will say the difference is that our environment and emotional and cognitive experiences have a disproportionate effect on "mental health" issues, which is true to a degree, but I will also add that the brain and body are not separate, but are intimately connected and disorders of one always affect the other. Stress and depression are associated with very physical manifestations like stomach ulcers, blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, GI dysfunction like IBS, and immune disorders to name just a few. Meanwhile, many chronic diseases, injuries, obesity, something as random as pancreatic cancer, and certainly pain have definite manifestations in our mood.

I say all this that to show that depression is a health issue, not mental or physical, but just a human health issue like anything else, and it shouldn't be taken any less seriously. I hope it's not as stigmatized in the UK as it can be in some areas here in the US, and I glad you appear to be getting effective support from family and friends and society and treatment from the health professionals.

I hope the TABN family will be another outlet for you to talk about whatever is on your mind and that you find that the fans here and the music and lyrics of our boys in Alter Bridge are another source of support for you in whatever manner you need. I've found both the awesome peeps here and everything Alter Bridge to be a true beacon when things get rough. That's why my sig says what it does.

- cause I see in you more than you'll ever know, and I ask you why you question the strength inside...
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prslover
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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by prslover »

Get on the right meds and STAY on them. Its (depression) never gonna go away but you can manage and find the right balance if you take the meds seriously.

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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by AB4Lyfe »

prslover wrote:Get on the right meds and STAY on them. Its (depression) never gonna go away but you can manage and find the right balance if you take the meds seriously.
For me, I found my balance when I started taking my physical fitness more seriously. My family has a genetic disposition for depression, and the chemicals your brain releases when exercising is what balances my system.

I have dealt with depression since I was 14 (which isn't saying much since I'm only 22), but the biggest piece of advice I will give is to find a fix, not just a band-aid (and that's not to say depression can be "cured"). Find something that will work long-term and continue it even when your depression isn't prevalent, not just something that will fend it off for a short period of time.
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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by prslover »

AB4Lyfe wrote:
prslover wrote:Get on the right meds and STAY on them. Its (depression) never gonna go away but you can manage and find the right balance if you take the meds seriously.
For me, I found my balance when I started taking my physical fitness more seriously. My family has a genetic disposition for depression, and the chemicals your brain releases when exercising is what balances my system.

I have dealt with depression since I was 14 (which isn't saying much since I'm only 22), but the biggest piece of advice I will give is to find a fix, not just a band-aid (and that's not to say depression can be "cured"). Find something that will work long-term and continue it even when your depression isn't prevalent, not just something that will fend it off for a short period of time.
Absolutely exercise and fitness are the best defense against depression. I take a very minimal dose of zoloft (50mg's) per day and have for 15 years. It helps with stomach anxiety as well and i'm overall satisfied with it. But there is no drug that is more powerful than the natural endorphins and testosterone which are released during physical activites and excersises. When I am running or working out I can literally feel the depression being squeezed out of my body. When I am having a bad day I can't wait to get to the gym because I know I will feel way better after. I'm 36 and have been working out since I was 13 on meds since 22.

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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by gbruin »

Great comments by both of you - further proving that depression is a long term issue and needs to be managed that way. So many people take meds for a while or life goes really smoothly for a bit and they think they can stop doing all the things that were helping, then they wonder why all their depressive symptoms have come back. Stay strong, everyone.
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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by Violent Corpse »

If I didn't have to worry about my parents and my niece, I would have killed myself after the death of my brother. It feels so incredibly selfish and unfair to go on living without him; when he's been deprived of a life that he deserved so much more than I do. But I know I have to go on, though it's not something I can "move on" from and leave behind. I'll always carry this unimaginable loss with me.

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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by Timotheus »

I really can not imagine the pain you're going through, but I know we're all here for you if you need an outlet to talk.
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anguyen92 wrote:
Oh well. Deal with it.

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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by AB4Lyfe »

Timotheus wrote:I really can not imagine the pain you're going through, but I know we're all here for you if you need an outlet to talk.
He's right, VC. We're all here if you need us and want to vent.
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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by Jaded Rescue »

I'm not currently going through depression - though I'm fairly certain I was dealing with seasonal affective disorder in college for a couple of years (never had a formal diagnosis, though). I just wanted to say that I'm glad to see so many supportive people here for those who need it. The stigma surrounding mental health really needs to end, and having people like those supporting each other on this board is the best way to make sure that happens.

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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by Andy92 »

Violent Corpse wrote:If I didn't have to worry about my parents and my niece, I would have killed myself after the death of my brother. It feels so incredibly selfish and unfair to go on living without him; when he's been deprived of a life that he deserved so much more than I do. But I know I have to go on, though it's not something I can "move on" from and leave behind. I'll always carry this unimaginable loss with me.
I can't imagine how painful this must be for you, but in addition to what some of the others have said, I want you to know that your life has incredible value. Your life is just as valuable as my life; it's just as valuable as everyone else's. The loss of your brother is a tragedy. Losing you would be an equal tragedy. Your life is a gift, and that gift is priceless. I know that doesn't take the pain away about your brother in any way, but I encourage you to talk to any of us here as well as any friends or family members if you're experiencing suicidal thoughts. You're worth more than you believe.
anguyen92 wrote:Oh well. Deal with it.

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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by Violent Corpse »

Andy92 wrote:
Violent Corpse wrote:If I didn't have to worry about my parents and my niece, I would have killed myself after the death of my brother. It feels so incredibly selfish and unfair to go on living without him; when he's been deprived of a life that he deserved so much more than I do. But I know I have to go on, though it's not something I can "move on" from and leave behind. I'll always carry this unimaginable loss with me.
I can't imagine how painful this must be for you, but in addition to what some of the others have said, I want you to know that your life has incredible value. Your life is just as valuable as my life; it's just as valuable as everyone else's. The loss of your brother is a tragedy. Losing you would be an equal tragedy. Your life is a gift, and that gift is priceless. I know that doesn't take the pain away about your brother in any way, but I encourage you to talk to any of us here as well as any friends or family members if you're experiencing suicidal thoughts. You're worth more than you believe.
Thanks, Andy. I appreciate the kind words. Really do. But you don't have to worry about suicide. I have to live for the people and responsibilities he's left behind for me.

I know that losing me would also be very painful for my family, but it wouldn't be anything more than an emotional loss. My brother was different. He was the most important member of our family. We all looked up to him; depended on him. There was so much he was in the middle of doing, so much left undone. In contrast, I've spent most of my life doing nothing. In that sense, when I'm dead, I won't be missing that much. But with my brother it just feels like a gross injustice that he won't live to see so many things that only he deserved to see. It feels so wrong.

There are no possible words that can help me feel better about this. I really appreciate the attempts but it's just something I'll have to bear. God, I never imagined I would have to see this day. Death in family is never easy to deal with, but there are times when I think about how I'd have to deal with the loss of my parents one day. Even though it hurts to think about it, it's something you gradually become prepared for as they get older. But THIS, I was never prepared for. Not in my wildest dreams.

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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by gbruin »

Violent Corpse wrote:
Andy92 wrote:
Violent Corpse wrote:If I didn't have to worry about my parents and my niece, I would have killed myself after the death of my brother. It feels so incredibly selfish and unfair to go on living without him; when he's been deprived of a life that he deserved so much more than I do. But I know I have to go on, though it's not something I can "move on" from and leave behind. I'll always carry this unimaginable loss with me.
I can't imagine how painful this must be for you, but in addition to what some of the others have said, I want you to know that your life has incredible value. Your life is just as valuable as my life; it's just as valuable as everyone else's. The loss of your brother is a tragedy. Losing you would be an equal tragedy. Your life is a gift, and that gift is priceless. I know that doesn't take the pain away about your brother in any way, but I encourage you to talk to any of us here as well as any friends or family members if you're experiencing suicidal thoughts. You're worth more than you believe.
Thanks, Andy. I appreciate the kind words. Really do. But you don't have to worry about suicide. I have to live for the people and responsibilities he's left behind for me.

I know that losing me would also be very painful for my family, but it wouldn't be anything more than an emotional loss. My brother was different. He was the most important member of our family. We all looked up to him; depended on him. There was so much he was in the middle of doing, so much left undone. In contrast, I've spent most of my life doing nothing. In that sense, when I'm dead, I won't be missing that much. But with my brother it just feels like a gross injustice that he won't live to see so many things that only he deserved to see. It feels so wrong.

There are no possible words that can help me feel better about this. I really appreciate the attempts but it's just something I'll have to bear. God, I never imagined I would have to see this day. Death in family is never easy to deal with, but there are times when I think about how I'd have to deal with the loss of my parents one day. Even though it hurts to think about it, it's something you gradually become prepared for as they get older. But THIS, I was never prepared for. Not in my wildest dreams.
I don't think there's any way anyone could prepare for something like that and I'm sorry to see you struggling with it. I just saw your post in Randomness about him. I'm so sorry for you and all your family. If you are willing, what happened to your brother?

I sincerely hope you'll find a way to not just live for the people and responsibilities he's left behind. I hope you'll also learn to live for you. Andy's comment, "You're worth more than you believe", is absolutely true and I imagine your brother would wish that sort of peace for you.
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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by Crumbso »

I'm at work (on lunch) so have not had time to read your posts. I shall do that and respond further but I will say that I've had on/off depression bouts for about the last ten years. It all started and was triggered by university and an abusive relationship but I'm sure the propensity to feel it was always there (I have vague memories of issues when I was younger that I thought was just down to hormones) and my family does have a history of mental illness on my mother's side.

I was very briefly on meds and had some therapy but thankfully I think it is generally mild. The biggest thing that ever helped me was to realise that what I feel is not always connected to the situation and it is OK to feel depressed from time to time (in-fact I had a recent bout for what seemed like no reason) and I can recognise that there is not always a solution and I can ride it out till things improve. Once I recognised the difference between feeling depressed because of chemical imbalances and feeling sad/stressed/angry because of situation-based emotions, I suddenly found everything much easier to deal with.

I also learned to live by stoic principles, shit happens and it's often not fair but the cycle of obsessing about things I can't change was ultimately destructive and exacerbated the depression cycle. I work with the hand I'm dealt in life (often shitty), put on a poker face and find the best in every situation. I actively avoid stressful people and situations and live for myself. I want to please others but if I'm not happy I can't make those that I care about happy either.

Maybe not relevant to the above (like I said I will read and respond to them because this is a subject close to my heart) but just some coping mechanisms that helped me with depression.
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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by Crumbso »

prslover wrote:Get on the right meds and STAY on them. Its (depression) never gonna go away but you can manage and find the right balance if you take the meds seriously.
I found meds to be useful to a degree. They did stabilising the more destructive effects of my depression but they were a crutch and did change my overall demeanor and identity. I personally gained a lot from therapy and slowly coming off the meds UNDER MEDICAL SUPERVISION. I feel I should stress that. I was somewhat able to restore the person I used to be.

I understand also that some people with more severe conditions, such as bi-polar disorders etc, will not be as lucky as I am to be able to avoid meds but I think there can be an over-reliance on them. Much to be gained from working on yourself and keeping healthy in other ways.
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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

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gbruin wrote:
Violent Corpse wrote:
Andy92 wrote:
Violent Corpse wrote:If I didn't have to worry about my parents and my niece, I would have killed myself after the death of my brother. It feels so incredibly selfish and unfair to go on living without him; when he's been deprived of a life that he deserved so much more than I do. But I know I have to go on, though it's not something I can "move on" from and leave behind. I'll always carry this unimaginable loss with me.
I can't imagine how painful this must be for you, but in addition to what some of the others have said, I want you to know that your life has incredible value. Your life is just as valuable as my life; it's just as valuable as everyone else's. The loss of your brother is a tragedy. Losing you would be an equal tragedy. Your life is a gift, and that gift is priceless. I know that doesn't take the pain away about your brother in any way, but I encourage you to talk to any of us here as well as any friends or family members if you're experiencing suicidal thoughts. You're worth more than you believe.
Thanks, Andy. I appreciate the kind words. Really do. But you don't have to worry about suicide. I have to live for the people and responsibilities he's left behind for me.

I know that losing me would also be very painful for my family, but it wouldn't be anything more than an emotional loss. My brother was different. He was the most important member of our family. We all looked up to him; depended on him. There was so much he was in the middle of doing, so much left undone. In contrast, I've spent most of my life doing nothing. In that sense, when I'm dead, I won't be missing that much. But with my brother it just feels like a gross injustice that he won't live to see so many things that only he deserved to see. It feels so wrong.

There are no possible words that can help me feel better about this. I really appreciate the attempts but it's just something I'll have to bear. God, I never imagined I would have to see this day. Death in family is never easy to deal with, but there are times when I think about how I'd have to deal with the loss of my parents one day. Even though it hurts to think about it, it's something you gradually become prepared for as they get older. But THIS, I was never prepared for. Not in my wildest dreams.
If you are willing, what happened to your brother?
That's a question I hope others can answer for me. I still don't know the full details, as only my sister-in-law was there with him throughout the short time from the onset of his symptoms to his death, and I haven't talked to her about it yet. He was sleeping when he felt anxiety and woke up. He described it as a feeling of indigestion and heartburn and was trying to puke by putting his fingers back to his throat, thinking that he'd feel better if he vomited. But his condition started to worsen, and my sister-in-law took him to the nearest hospital. He lived up on the 3rd floor, and climbed down the stairs himself with support from his wife, and also walked to the emergency in the hospital on his own feet.

The doctor's initial diagnosis was food poisoning as nothing showed up on the ECG to indicate a heart attack, neither did his symptoms look as serious, as he was talking with the nurse, telling him what he'd ate that night and stuff just moments before his death. His heart just gave out moments after that and the cause of death, according to the doctor is cardiac arrest. All this happened within a single hour.

Keep in mind that healthcare and medical facilities are less than ideal where I live in the third-world. Specially, the medical staff during night shifts is barely qualified enough. So I don't know how much truth there is in what I've been told by the doctor.

He had no history of any heart disease or any other sort of illness whatever. No one in our family does. He was the healthiest of us and lived a very physically active lifestyle. If it was a heart-attack, it was one of a kind, because I've never heard of a healthy 30 year old man succumbing to his first experience of heart-attack within an hour. I guess we'll never know..

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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by gbruin »

Man, that's so awful, VC. You're right that a heart attack (a clot in a coronary artery) in a healthy 30 y/o is virtually unheard of, but there are a lot of other things that can cause the heart to stop working. Things like a pulmonary embolism (a clot in a pulmonary artery) or an aortic dissection or heart valve problem seem a lot more likely. I hope the hospital will do a post to find out what happened, both for the staff to recognize the condition and to provide an answer for you.

Continued thoughts to you and your sister-in-law and all your friends and family.
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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by Violent Corpse »

Thank you, gbruin. Unfortunately, he's already buried. I personally wanted an autopsy done, but it's considered undesirable to delay burial and subjecting the body to surgical procedures post-mortem, from where I come, so I didn't push for it.

I slept just like everyday, on that fateful night, when I was woken up with the dreadful news. It almost feels like I slept in one dimension and have woken up in another. I keep hoping that this an elaborate prank; that I haven't really woken up since that day, and I've been put under a hypnotic state by some cruel experimenters. Please God, if you're out there, let this be true! If he could do die in so unusual a manner, why can't this be true?

Sorry for hijacking this thread. I'll take this elsewhere.

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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

Post by Crumbso »

It does indeed sound utterly tragic. I've never lost a sibling so I can't imagine the grief you're going through. I'm glad that you found something to live for in your family but have you considered seeing a therapist of some sort? Working through pain with a neutral party can help a lot.

After 2 years of an abusive relationship and a collapsed university career, I used to not see a way that I'd ever feel happiness again but I slowly but surely pieced my life back together until one day I realised the progress I'd made. I know it doesn't compare to your loss but hopefully it will help you to see that there is always a way out even if you can't see it.
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Re: Depression - What are your experiences?

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I'm not personally too glad for having found a way to continue living. If you are only living for the responsibilities you must assume, then that's hardly a life worth living. It's such a massive effort to get up from my bed every morning. Every breath I take feels like a burden. During every act I perform, I think "This could have been a normal daily routine task like every other day. Everything could have continued on like normal, like it is for all of my brother's friends, and for the majority of the people". Except it isn't. "Why him?", that is a question that will never stop echoing in my head.

Psychological therapies of any kind aren't too readily available in this part of the world, so no I haven't considered consultation. Nor do I want to. Any consolation that I have been able to find, I have found from the fact that my brother is not alone in his misfortune. This tragedy has devastated me too. It has altered every inch of my life for the worse. If he couldn't get the chance to live a full life, then who am I? I don't want him to suffer alone.

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